My One and Only Political Facebook Post
I’m not one to pick a fight on Facebook or anywhere in public. But ya’ll gotten so crazy I just had to spout off and get a few things off my chest. So I’m talking to you here where you won’t see it. Cos I know yer quick to anger. And I know yer armed.
So this is like those letters you write in yer therapists’ office, the ones you set on fire instead of sending. You get to rant and rave (prolly should have said, “express yourself”), and no one but the letter gets burnt.
To the friend who expressed concern about pipeline workers being laid off
Yer kidding, right? Since when do ya’ll care about people? (I’m talkin’ here about people who’ve already been born, people whose cells have differentiated into actual organs and such.)
But if you’re on the up-and-up and you suddenly (inexplicably) started caring, well, bless yore heart. Good fer you.
Now, put yer money where yer mouth is. Hire you some of them unemployed polluters to paint yer house. Let ’em use high-voc paint (all the good stuff with asbestos is long-gone, thanks to the bleeding-heart do-gooders — damn socialists). That way, they’ll have a job, which’ll ease yer kind concern, and you can show yer friends you don’t give a damn about the environment. They’ll like that.
Sure, cancer, but that’s no worse than the flu. And you’re no pussy so what do you care? Live yer life! Fill yer lungs and yer house with carcinogens. Trash that mutherfucker. Yes, in yer back yard!
Stay inside with the pipers while they paint. Close yer windows. Those OSHA and EPA assholes can’t tell you what to do. This is Amurica!
And for chrissakes don’t wear a mask. You’ll look like a snowflake. You’ll look like a libtard. Hella lot better to look like a fool.
To the friend who’s worried gas will go up to $5 a gallon
I’ve spent the last four years worried that an insane somebody would start a nuclear war. I was scared all the public lands would be sold off to the highest bidder and that endangered species would be displaced, hunted to extinction, or just plain slaughtered for fun. I’ve been afraid an emergency would arise and be mismanaged so thoroughly that hundreds of thousands of people would die.
Okay, so there wasn’t a nuclear war. All my fears didn’t come true, and maybe all of yers won’t either.
But some of them prolly will, maybe even the one about gas going up to $5 a gallon. And that’ll hurt. I feel ya.
But let me ask you this. If the economy has been so damn good for the past four years, why the hell are you worried about paying 50 bucks to fill up your tank? You can surely afford it.
An extra couple hundred on your monthly gas budget is a piddling amount against all the dough you’ve been raking in during the awesome Trump economy. You’ll never notice it’s missing. You’re rich! We’re all rich!
Or how about this. Why the hell haven’t you seen the writing on the wall for the last 20 years and bought yourself an electric car? A hybrid at the least? Did you not know gas prices go up and down? Do you not remember price gouging after Katrina? Did you not live through the OPEC embargo? (I mean, a lot of you probably didn’t; look it up.)
Do you not know there are things you can do to make yourself safer and more financially stable under any president, in any economy? Presidential terms do tend to go back and forth between the parties, you know.
Or didn’t you notice? I know yer not very forward-looking (dare I say, progressive — shudder) but would a little planning for the future kill you? Did you ever hear of personal responsibility?
Or did you just hope the tap for subsidized oil would never shut off so you could keep buzzing around in that Hummer forever? Well, grow up, ya whiney brat, you. If you’re going to put gasoline into a gas guzzler, you’d better get ready to pay for it. No more welfare for you!
To the friend who shared this story: In 2012, Venezuelans lose right to own firearms. In 2016, Venezuelans learn how to eat cats and dogs to keep from starving. In 2019, Venezuelans are fired upon by their own soldiers to keep them from receiving humanitarian aid.
First of all, when did you start giving a damn about Venezuelans? Here again, I’m talking about Venezuelans who’ve already been born, the ones who made it past the formless blob stage (I know how much you love them) to become honest-to-god, air-breathing Venezuelans? You know they’re kind of brownish, right?
And since when do you have an interest in damn fureigners receiving humanitarian aid?
And why would the Venezuelans have to “learn” how to eat cats and dogs? Like, is there a certain fork for that or something?
Or do you just mean it’s harder to find a way to kill something if yer not packing? Careful, yer startin’ to sound like a Democrat.
And when are you going to learn that correlation is not cause? Didn’t yer college professors pound that into your head the way they did into mine?
Oh, didn’t go to college?
Okay, I can help. Look at it this way. In 2012, I gained 10 pounds. In 2016, Venezuelans learn how to eat cats and dogs to keep from starving. In 2019, Venezuelans are fired upon by their own soldiers to keep them from receiving humanitarian aid.
Now everyone will know they shouldn’t ever gain weight. Or else…
Do you see now how ridiculous this line of thinking is? No? Need another example?
In 2016, Trump was elected president. In 2019, Venezuelans are fired upon by their own soldiers to keep them from receiving humanitarian aid. In 2020, a deadly pandemic kills hundreds of thousands of people in the U.S.
Now, do you get it?
To the friend who said we’d better get ready to eat some beans and rice
This one, I did answer on FB, not to say anything political but just something jokey like, “I already eat lots of rice and beans. Guess I’m ahead of my time.”
And I got some kind of answer from my Trumpster friend, like, “Yeah because you choose to. Poor people won’t have a choice.”
Well, ya know what? If your prediction comes true, it could be the best thing that ever happened to poor people. They’ll be putting something healthy in their bellies. No more squandering those precious dollars on soda pop, burgers, and fries.
Because that’s why they’re poor in the first place, right? They mismanage their money. Or they’re lazy and don’t work.
All this time, you’ve been saying poor people are to blame for being poor. Did you change yer mind about that? And since when do you care if poor people have enough to eat? Please, just pick a pony and ride that nag to the finish line. All this perspective-switching is makin’ my head spin.
To the friend who said, “And just like that…some of you voted yourself right out of a job…just sayin.”
In April of 2020, unemployment hit 13.8%, if you can believe the Bureau of Labor Statistics. I know ya’ll only believe statistics if they seem to say something nice about yer glorious leader. But facts is facts.
But I know what you’re saying. You think that Trump was good for employment and that Biden won’t be.
Don’t worry for nuthin’ the way I sometimes do. You prolly can’t predict what will happen with employment any better than you can predict what will happen with gas prices or the job market or the Venezuelans. Any better than I can predict nuclear war. Just cos people aren’t that good at seein’ the future.
We’ve already covered “correlation is not cause,” so I’m not going to blame Trump’s election for the 13.8% unemployment figure. Not any more than I would give him credit for the 3.5% unemployment rate in January of 2020. Those things correlate, but we don’t know whether one caused the other. Seriously. We don’t know.
Unemployment has been steadily dropping since October of 2009, under Obama. It was at 4.7% in December of 2016, right before Trump took office. That’s low, but not as low as it was under Clinton in December of 2000 (3.9%). It didn’t get that low again until the end of Trump’s second year in office. And in the fourth year, it shot through the roof.
Here’s the chart, if you want to see it. I know you probably don’t.
I know these are just facts, and ya’ll don’t believe in facts. So I’m going to quit talking.
Right now. Tag. Post.